I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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