this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
