It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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