I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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