4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
