WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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