Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
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