thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
