Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize