porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
