it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize