WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
