He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
did you just send me my own nude
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
