Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
