So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
