Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
