Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
