I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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