I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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