Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
