After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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