My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
