Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
