she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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