Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
