Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
