Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
