Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
