just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
