i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
