just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just cropdusted the office
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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