you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm passing your future prison.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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