I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
