i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize