the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
