shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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