Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize