Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
