I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
third nipple confirmed
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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