walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
