thus making me awesome and them whores
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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