eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
