is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
