Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
