did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Someone shattered a urinal.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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