My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
