I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize