i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize