Swine flu is the new snow day.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
