i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
