both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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