His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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