Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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