just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I love having hate sex.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
