I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
honey bunches of taint.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
