Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
