The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
