I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
