I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
