She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
