And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm jealous of your bromance
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
