Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize