Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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