So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
