Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
