Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
