once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
