Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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