dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
