I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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