i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
