Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
