Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
