just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize