She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
