Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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