Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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