he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
