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i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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