I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
