When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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