What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
