Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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