i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
