No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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