I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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