I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
