You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
