There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
